ARE YOU TRIGGERED BY LOVE?
By Nancy Miller, MA
Relationship Coach: www.consciousromance.com

Ladies: He’s looking at another woman while you’re trying to tell him something important.  You instantly assume he is interested in her or he just doesn’t care about you, and you become outraged or upset.   Gentlemen:  It’s a new relationship.  The chemistry is off the charts. She’s out with the girls and not instantly responding to your texts.  You immediately think she is hooking up with some other guy and you become outraged or upset…

Knee jerk reactivity is the downfall of many existing relationships and often the barrier for entering into them.

It all boils down to how safe we feel in the moment.  If a person finds their beloved doing something that somehow makes him / her fearful of potential pain, loss or rejection, the internal auto- responder often goes into instantaneous fight or flight response.  It’s usually spontaneous and unconscious behavior, and no human being is completely immune to it.

The astonishing thing is how simple it is to get a grip on that desire to run for the hills or fly off the handle at the first perception of a disturbance in your love life.

I have worked with hundreds of clients from around the country, and have also had my own opportunities to grapple with such relationship challenges.  Each time it requires a re-grouping and coming to terms with deep, buried fears and insecurities, many of which have been hanging around in the subconscious for years.   It requires courage, but once the roots of reactivity have been uncovered, it’s like discovering a treasure chest of new possibility and opportunity!  When you become consciously plugged into your love life – you really can begin to create the relationship of your dreams.

I was recently working with a woman who had been separated from her husband for more than a year and half.  She had lost almost all hope of reconciling with him because any time they tried to work through their issues, they were both prone to knee jerk reactivity.  Over time she was able to go deeper and deeper into her heart and realized the source of many of her frustrations was not her husband at all.   Thus, a beautiful process of forgiveness and renewal has occurred in their marriage.

If you’re ready to create a fulfilling and lasting relationship and would like some support in doing so, please visit www.consciousromance.com or email nancy@consciousromance.com.